Should we use 'ex-wife' or 'mother' in our subtitle?

Just wanted to let y'all know, "No One's the Bitch: Ten Steps to Strengthening Families, One Ex-wife/Stepmother Partnership at a Time" will be published by Globe Pequot and out in bookstores in May of 2009.I know it's been a bit quiet around here. Carol just got back from a pretty intense two-week workshop in Canada, teaching painting at all hours of the day, and I'm just about to hit the half-way mark for the book. Whew!

Question for everyone that we've talked about with our editor: should we be saying "ex-wife" in the subtitle, or "mother"?

I know most stepwives refer to the ex-wife as... the ex-wife, or the bio-mom (have always found this weird, personally, it seems so scientific) or, you know, the bitch.

But I think most mothers think of themselves as the mom or the mother (and maybe sometimes, the bitch?). "Ex-wife" just seems to constantly tie you back to the divorce, instead of linking you to the kids, which is the only reason you have to deal with the stepmom in the first place, don't you think?

But then we also thought that saying "mother" might be like a subtle way of asserting primacy, like I'm the real mother and you're not.Which ties back in to all the territorial struggles that make this kind of situation so difficult for everyone.

So tricky!

What do y'all think? Which seems more logical? Which would you prefer? We'd love to hear from you!

Thanks for reading....

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